“If you’re worried about being a good mother, it means you already are one.”
People think that momming gets easier as kids become more independent. I remember when my kids were in diapers, I looked forward to the day they were potty-trained, or when they were breastfeeding, I looked forward to them eating the same food I ate.
What I didn’t know was they were always going to do EVERYTHING when and if they CHOSE to, and not at all on my plan or schedule.
“Well damn,” I thought. “A good mom would have this all figured out. A good mom would have kids who love vegetables and be good little potty-poopers.”
Beyond that, I wanted kids who loved school like I did. I wanted kids who made quality friends easily and kept them for ALL the years. I wanted kids who stood up for others but never at the expense of their own mental health and physical wellness.
Now that my kids are mostly grown, I realize that there was just a constant chipping away of my hopes as a mom. Each day, I had a new realization of my ineptitude, my failure, my shortcomings.
I look back on my early mom days and think, “Why did I punish myself so much for silly things like whether my son liked the annoying kid in class and wanted to invite him to his birthday party?”
I did that because I had no idea what was coming.
I have three kids spread out over a decade. My oldest son didn’t have a cell phone or MySpace account until he was 15 years old. He didn’t have a video game system until high school.
My middle son started technology in his middle school years, so knew how to play outside, make plans, and meet friends at a certain time and place.
My youngest learned how to read because of Webkins, stuffed animals that had a virtual code to lead virtual lives online. He had a cell phone in 7th grade and received his first nude from a 7th grade girl (by the way, he’s deleted this photo hundreds of times, yet each time he gets a new phone, it shows up in his cloud) that same year.
I had no idea that potty training and eating veggies were the least of my worries.
The point is, there are a lot of REAL problems in momming. I never needed to create problems for myself from the “not enoughness” that moms often feel.
More importantly…
…I NEVER NEEDED TO ACCEPT JUDGEMENT OR COMPARISON FROM OTHERS.
Trust me on this, Darl…
…If you love your kids…
…If you are working on yourself…
…If you help others when you can…
…You’re doing it right.
There’s no way to know everything.
There’s no way to anticipate everything.
There’s no way to act or react that is perfectly appropriate at all times.
And you’re not alone in any of it. There are a million of us who are a little further down the road. There are a million of us who are just starting.
And we are cheering for ya, Babe.
Do the best you can,
With the knowledge you have,
In the place you’re at currently,
And clap for your damn self.
Because this momming business is not for sissies.
It’s not for the “perfect,” or anyone pretending to be.
When you see a mom showing up for herself and her babes, give her a smile, a pat on the back, a helping hand, a wink.
She’s in it to win it in any small way and needs a little sweet sauce whether it comes from a friend or a stranger.
Let’s do this thing, Moms.
Let’s be resilient and raise resilient kids.
Now GO KICK SOME ASS!
