I chase joy.
I find it in the simplest of things.
Today, I ate a perfect black sweet cherry. It was the color of merlot, glossy and cold, and the pit slipped out clean. It was a joy.
Yesterday, I heard a child shout, “Daddy’s home!” while I was walking, and every single time my dad pulled in the driveway flashed before me and my heart leapt with happiness.
Last week, I put a baby to sleep with my humming. It was mediocre humming at best, but it was contentment of sound, and it was the order of the day.
I love life. I’m a glass-half-fuller and laugh-out-louder. I live for the “ah-ha” moment, the testimony, the overcoming of strife and struggle, and finally winning after long toil.
I clap for myself. I cheer for you. I applaud my community, my state, my country.
But I’m afraid.
I’m not afraid of the virus. If it gets me, I’m going to fight like a demon and kick its ass.
I’m not afraid of losing money. I might run out of time, but I can always make more money.
History reveals this will all pass eventually.
But I’m afraid of the way people are turning on one another. The finger pointing, dramatic statements, the bandwagon-ing…
I see people I know proudly flaunting their hate. Not strangers. Not people I’ve never met. People I’ve shared a drink with, or laughed at a joke with, or even been to their house.
“Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.” Friedrich W. Nietzsche
Be careful you don’t become that which you are fighting against.
We are in a crisis. All of us. Me. You. Our parents. Our children.
And I love you. I love all of us.
We are fighting monsters.
And some of you are becoming monsters.
Yes, there are things to fear, but alienating any one of the participants in this drama only means the conversation stops.
Calling names, making assumptions, sharing “information” that you, yourself haven’t investigated with a clear and unbiased curiosity, DOES NOTHING TO SUPPORT YOUR STANCE.
It turns you into that which you are fighting against.
Want to solve a problem? Can’t do it alone?
I guarantee you won’t get any help from someone you’ve just called a name. In fact, you’ll create more problems that need solving.
I believe we can find many ways to kick this virus and the restrictions it has brought us, but not unless we can come to the table with the full intention of seeking first to understand.
The information has to come from the experts, from science, from lifelong learners of infectious diseases.
Not from politicians.
And we need to recognize that science is about gathering data and making hypotheses based on that data.
Data can be skewed. It can be incorrect.
But it’s what we have.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” Maya Angelou.
I know we can overcome the problems of racism if we can stand side-by-side with people we don’t know, or even disagree with, and listen to their experiences and fears.
If we could just imagine what it’s like to be them.
Choosing not to listen is about your fear. Fear that something will be taken from you. Fear that it might come to light that you’ve done something wrong. It’s okay. We’ve all done something wrong. We just can’t keep doing it. We must learn, change, and tell about the journey.
I work in social media several times a week. I have built my business with it. I enjoy interacting with people virtually.
Until now.
So many people are tightly focused on all the things that’ve been lost, that they cannot even see all that they still have!
Here in Michigan, we are blessed with the most perfect month, July, when the air is so soft, it’s barely noticeable on your neck. The water is so crisp and refreshing, it awakens even the dullest of senses. The blueberries are so full of juicy, sky-filled goodness, they go down by the handful.
Because we need it, friends. We need to love this life. We’ve witnessed that it doesn’t last forever.
And we need ALL THE PEOPLE to be equally able to love this life.
I can do what needs doing to get through the rough patches. I can physically distance, and I can wear a mask. It won’t be painless. I will fall out of touch with people who matter, earn less money, take fewer trips, but I’ll be alive.
I can recognize my white privilege and invite conversation with new people, and sit quietly to listen to stories that I don’t know about, but are felt to the very core of many of my friends and family.
Our kids can do what needs doing too. They can learn to make breakfast, create a school-work area, teach their siblings and friends their new skills, and wait a while for schools to reopen. It won’t be perfect. But they aren’t going to lose their education because they aren’t in school for a few months. They’ll get a different education, one they might never have had.
Our partners can discover what it means to be the primary caretaker of our kids some days, and learn to juggle being nurturing with being a skillful (and don’t forget to be hot and sexy, too! “Smile, you’re more beautiful when you smile”).
We can find a way to serve those who have few resources until the virus is under control. It will take some doing, but we can do hard things.
I don’t fear losing liberties because for those of you fighting your neighbors, you’ve already lost more of your freedom than anyone else.
Temporarily changing a few behaviors for the health and well-being of our most vulnerable citizens does not make you less free. It makes you MORE free, because you’re solving a problem that YOU MAY NOT BE AFFECTED BY, but your entire country is.
Offering equal rights to others does not label you as the cause of the problem, it lets you be part of the solution, and OUR BLACK AND BROWN CITIZENS DESERVE CHANGE.
Nobody loses from everyone being free and equal. There is not a fixed amount of freedom or equality. In fact, the more freedom is allowed, the more freedom is available.
Nothing is more limiting than a fixed mindset: “I’m right, you’re wrong. Let’s fight.”
That looks more like a yoke and shackles than freedom.
Anne Frank said: “In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.”
That doesn’t mean everyone is good. It doesn’t mean there’s not work to do.
It just means the odds are WITH US.
It means we can solve things if we don’t become the monster we are fighting against.
I’m Julie Stenberg, and I thrive on joy, happiness, contentment, and doing what needs doing. I’m not perfect, but I’m listening. I’m learning. And you’d better believe I’m loving this life.
You can be a masterpiece…
…and a work in progress…
…SIMULTANEOUSLY.
There is summer to be had.
We really have an awful lot. Let’s revel in it responsibly, and let’s let everyone be part of it.
